Drunk n Sailor

Passed Across the Bar

2010-05-25T09:47:00.001-04:00

Thanks Blazer! And Seamus Heaney!

Happy 30th Svenner

2010-04-20T11:54:00.001-04:00

Burger Cupcakes: The Great Optical Foodllusion

2010-01-13T15:44:00.000-05:00

..one night sailed off in a wooden shoe;
Sailed off on a river of crystal light into a sea of dew.
"Where are you going and what do you wish?" the old moon asked the three.
"We've come to fish for the herring fish that live in this beautiful sea.
Nets of silver and gold have we..

2009-10-16T15:55:00.001-04:00

2009-09-11T15:29:00.001-04:00

And Peter says, "I'm going to put all of these in the bathroom so people think we are all in polyamorous relationships."

Come Rock Out and Put Out for Juliet

2009-09-01T14:03:00.001-04:00

Our dear friend and family member was in a bad motorcycle accident. She is alive and beautiful and badass and well on her way to well. But unfortunately misfortune is expensive here in the United States. Were she in Austria, Belgium, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Ukraine, Bhutan, Brunei, China, India, Saudi Arabia, Israel, Japan, South Korea, Sri Lanka, Taiwan, and Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, Argentina, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Costa Rica, Cuba, Mexico, Panama, Peru, Uruguay, Trinidad and Tobago and Venezuela and the United Kingdom this wouldn't be an issue. But let's not dwell on our countries collective idiocies. Instead lets do the money dance for Juliet.

2009-07-07T12:51:00.002-04:00

2009-06-09T14:51:00.000-04:00

2009-05-29T15:09:00.000-04:00

The Rat's Own Dream Guns Him Down

2009-05-12T02:47:00.004-04:00

Beneath the city two hearts beat
Soul engines running through a night so tender
In a bedroom locked
In whispers of soft refusal
And then surrender
In the tunnels uptown
The Rat's own dream guns him down
As shots echo down them hallways in the night
No one watches when the ambulence pulls away
Or as the girl shuts out the bedroom light

-Bruce Springsteen

2009-05-11T02:28:00.001-04:00

2009-05-10T03:54:00.000-04:00

Coliseum Thunder Creatures

2009-05-07T15:02:00.001-04:00

Ocean Liner

2009-05-05T13:26:00.013-04:00

Five Fifths on the Fifth

Clouds. Eyes. Oceans. I have often worried about this blog becoming a boring Bird blog, my first step toward becoming the crazy pit bull lady down the street. And each day I don't write a poem I probably take one more picture of Bird than I did the day before. I think this is because there is a certain amount of despair that accompanies inaction... that to want to do and not do creates a void inside of us that we must fill with ocean, we must floats boats on. The Diner Journal is one of those boats.. Bruce Springsteen is a super big sail boat. Whiskey a dingy of sorts. Bird is an Ocean Liner.

But five years ago today my friend Nicole called me and asked if I could foster a puppy. She had a dominant female dog in the house and couldn't take Roxy. I said no. My friends I lived with at the time had just lost a dog name Sketch in an unfortunate and mysterious turn of events and I didn't feel ok subjecting them to any emotional angst. When I got home that night I mentioned the story of Roxy to my best friend and roommate Sven. She told me to call Nicole immediately and take the dog. And thank god. An hour later a tiny girl pit bull was skidding around the apartment, sniffing our toes. That night we went to Ray's Happy Birthday bar and every patron, spending all their coins on 1.50 lagers asked me about her and gave me their numbers in case she needed a home. "Oh I'm just fostering her," I would say in between swigs of whiskey. Bird, or Roxy as I knew her then slept on my feet perched so slightly on the narrow little ledge running underneath the bar. The warmest night following Bird and I chased each other around the long grass of the yet unused baseball field around the corner and across the street from the people with the pet duck. I knew then that I was hers.

Bird's life has been long. Not long enough, of course, but her days have been longer than most. Diapers, hernias, ultrasounds, xrays, medicine every five days, no spleen, irrational anger towards those she ultimately wants to befriend... When I got her she was bilingual, had bright red ears, bit marks on her ankles, a pimpley snout and pee dripping down her little legs. When I would come home from work for a lunch dance (to Magnetic Fields) with her often she would be standing on the dining room table. A strange habit that had to end once I became aware of her bladder problems.

Recently Roxy Bird and I have become more peaceful creatures. We like the park and the sun. We don't like drugs. I read more now and she sleeps more. There is nothing she can't communicate to me with a pointed lift of an eyebrow. My life is blessed by her life. And I should say that Bird and I owe a great deal to the most lovely and kind people I am priviledged to call friends. Sven, Katy, Erin, Nicole, Peter, Adam, Rachel, Josh, Mom. Thank you and happy anniversary little Bird.

Red Robin

2009-05-03T02:43:00.000-04:00

Is a Dream a Lie if it Don't Come True

2009-04-20T15:13:00.001-04:00

Sleepscape

2009-04-15T02:11:00.000-04:00

Jess Arndt's Book at East River Bar

2009-04-15T02:05:00.002-04:00

Bird Takes a Nap Before Work

2009-04-03T13:33:00.001-04:00

Oh Gay Monday How Did it Ever Come

2009-03-31T12:51:00.001-04:00

to This Over and Over and Over. Peter I kind of feel like she made this video for you and Andrew Daul!

Can You See Her?

2009-03-29T00:21:00.000-04:00

Family Portraits

2009-03-26T15:13:00.004-04:00

Good Morning My Babe

2009-03-09T13:08:00.000-04:00

Hold Me Down

2009-03-08T20:24:00.001-04:00

2009-03-08T14:14:00.001-04:00

"Finding that most stars have Earths implies that the conditions that support the development of life could be common throughout our galaxy," said William Borucki, Kepler's chief scientist at Nasa's Ames Research Center in California. "Finding few or no Earths indicates that we might be alone."

Blue Morning

2009-03-04T00:40:00.000-05:00

2009-02-27T23:54:00.000-05:00

2009-02-27T23:52:00.002-05:00

A Bird and a Whale

2009-02-27T23:48:00.002-05:00

Belly and Brain

2009-02-27T23:45:00.004-05:00

Foraging for Paper Towels in Greenpoint

2009-02-27T22:51:00.003-05:00

I'm Moving to West Hollywood to Pursue My Career as a Spinoff

2009-02-10T13:33:00.004-05:00

Photo by Adam Ward

A Glimmering beam of Light

2009-01-27T02:15:00.002-05:00

Why is January so Devastating

2009-01-20T23:32:00.006-05:00

me: i was really mean and said i never wanted to see her again. which is fine i just convinced myself i would keep trying and believe in us but i do think she is being unfair and pretty shitty. so i guess i'm glad i said it. it just feels bad. then i got drunk. so no excuse.

svendelvecchio: :(

me: and you're right but man after 18 day six beers and three shots hurt like a mother fucker today.

svendelvecchio: i sorry baby. i dont know all the specifics..but i know you were kinda doing a back and forth for a while
I KNOW! i got wasted friday and was in a DEATH HANGOVER saturday
i was like "WTF BODY?"

me: and me too. i probably haven't gone three days so 18 days is really weird.

svendelvecchio: i use to handle this times 2

me: right? i give it a rest and all of a sudden it's like it has standards of living
ow.

svendelvecchio: LOL
i loved your email tonight

me: oh thank you. i'm glad. i worry about them not being entertaining enough..

svendelvecchio: no. it was great.

me: sweet

svendelvecchio: NEW PRESIDENT TODAY

i didnt get to see it though. i was at story time in the childrens library

me: yes. he is awesome. i am so glad. that is very cute. you can youtube it i bet. is it wrong to feel angry when you are hurt by someone? should i just be able to stop it at sadness?

svendelvecchio: unfortunately...it doesnt work that way
actually sometimes the anger helps
:(
i hate you going through this

me: right? xxxx made me feel like it was bad for me to get angry when she would be inconsiderate or mean. maybe she doesn't do that... it's ok. better to go through it now than later i suppose
although does it have to be during sober sanctuary?

he he

svendelvecchio: SERIOUSLY. LOL

me: she said that's how i'm not emotionally accountable... and i said i would meditate on it and fix it. which didn't make a difference. but now i don't know if i could change that. it seems like a survival mechanism or something

svendelvecchio: hummm.
did she give an example? like how are you not emotionally accountable.
i think your right though...if its something that you think is true too....or if it is a pattern established already in your relationship...it would be really hard to change

me: that is how. instead of just being hurt i skip to anger apparently. she sited when you came and she called that morning to bail and i got upset which is true but leading up to that moment she had bailed on me left and right for a week and didn't give a shit when i expressed my feelings... that is not true of our last few weeks in which i just moped and considered letting her walk all over me again for another three months. then i just got angry when she g chatted me as if nothing had happened... i guess i'm wondering if it is wise to change that. i'm happy to do it if it's hard... well really i'm not going to do much since it's way over but ponder all this..

svendelvecchio: oh. i understand. the whole senario is so hard. i dont really know the particulars...which i want to get in person. i just feel bad that you have felt bad for so long. i hate conflict with no resolution. it actually disrupts my entire being...so i can only imagine how your feeling.
i just remember when xxxx and i use to fight and hammer things out and fight and talk and not see eye to eye and i would just over think everything..i would make myself sick. but then it was like our relationship just took on a whole other life. and why we really loved each other and why we were there in the first place had been lost

me: yes. i know. it's hopeless really but it's so easy to believe in love. i wonder why that is? we are optimistic creatures even if we don't want to admit it. yet another survival mechanism i suppose. oddly in direct conflict with the other one i'm experiencing.. thank you for your love lady. if you don't come up this weekend i'll come down soon. and we can slowly sip beer together. maybe from a straw.

svendelvecchio: YES

and an oversized mug

its true though. so true. it is very easy to believe in love and to want and need love. and that is a good thing.

it hurts sometimes. but it is a good thing

SO BELIEVE IN MY LOVE

cause its real grrl

me: he he. i do. thank you!

and i LOOOOOVE YOU WICKED!

svendelvecchio: xoxoxoxo
ill let you know about this weekend tomorrow
im gonna go take a bath cause im freezing

HANG IN THERE

me: cooly. have a lovely time. you have made me smile for the first time all day. really it was quite confusing this afternoon when i was watching the inaugoration i wasn't quite sure why i was crying. happiness? hope? heartbreak? headache? the answer? all of the above. smoooooch

svendelvecchio: awwww. i suppose there are a few reasons to cry today
i miss our super-hungover...laughing till we cry but have no idea why sessions
those are the best
i need more of those in my life!

me: well i got plenty. i'll send some your way!

svendelvecchio: its a plan. talk to you later, love.

xoxoxo

me: love love

Photo: Katy Porte

Turns Out it is Excess not Alcohol that is the Problem

2009-01-20T21:22:00.002-05:00

2009-01-20T21:21:00.000-05:00

2009-01-20T14:29:00.002-05:00

2009-01-18T00:55:00.001-05:00

Stars but No Sleep

2009-01-16T03:24:00.001-05:00

She Loved Me All Up

2009-01-15T02:25:00.004-05:00

Flurry

2009-01-13T22:03:00.009-05:00

love like cards or air
is about folding

some snow transcribes air
up with gusts or rides
across the night on a breath

she was drunk
and went outside to
wait for the car

I knew she was
in love with me
when she called
and asked me to wait
with her

and I knew
when I went

and sat next to her on the curb
she said

Anna I want a baby
and I said grinning
you should quit your job

the car came and
down the street was a
sign for psychic face readings

I thought it
seemed unfair

understanding
that wanting
a woman
so folded
on herself

is as inconsequential

as fiercely loving
a piece of snow
that grows
warm before
it lands

a boy and her bird

2009-01-13T17:56:00.000-05:00

from the poem Ode to the Sky

2009-01-12T22:45:00.003-05:00

by Evan Dunn

when you
love
you are
a cage for the freest

Photo by Katy Porte

Family Tree

2009-01-12T00:10:00.001-05:00

More by Adam Ward

2009-01-08T22:06:00.004-05:00

Short

2009-01-06T23:33:00.002-05:00

by Evan Dunn

you sit across the room grinning
at me like it’s the only thing you ever do
and you’ve gotten really good at it

with your white sweatshirt on you look like a cloud misplaced
brought to earth and put on a shelf,
too wonderful to be left out during a storm

Texts on Christmas Day from Peter

2009-01-05T19:02:00.001-05:00

Because I'm bored. Watching a documentary about how they make snickers. Alone. Sober.

Also I got a collection notice from efund for 29,004.19 today. It is unending. The future stretches out before me like a jail cell. A pasture of containment.

Student Loan. Prairie of dungeon.

Peter's Rendition of the Slogan Written on My Yogi Peach Detox Tea

2009-01-04T14:49:00.000-05:00

2009-01-04T14:45:00.001-05:00

2009-01-03T00:30:00.000-05:00

2009-01-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

A Video I love By a Stranger Named Gerald called Revelation #1

2009-01-01T17:59:00.001-05:00

Two thousand and nine. I'm sober and I'm afraid I won't be able to sleep. It's an exercise in peacefulness.

And then the dogs

2008-12-31T00:39:00.005-05:00

this is written in the climate of the
woman whose father made a
simple knife her language is air
her air is – for Louise Gluck

the dogs they mesmerize
me with their wildness
the one usually vicious
now gentle with age

language is the only deep mystery
the alcohol no longer burns it off
provides one mundane stuttering in the
way of utter standing

Billy the big one
still wild and wild
still walking away and coming back

I look at them and they at me

I wonder about the bump on Bird’s shoulder
I wonder what they wonder

poetry is one contagious release
the sex lives of strangers now plain

you took me home
no stranger than a chorus of leaves falling maybe
took my clothes and my fears
into your mouth
and that night I began to have dreams
deep night hallucinations
sweet colored dreams

and then the dogs
for a moment teeth together
are wild together

dreams light
with moment, skin and structure

but the love the love feels
like atmosphere like a sky with pores
and I pouring into it
I say hey or whistle
and they the dogs bring their love to me

simple pencil drawn dreams

then they sit
the dogs
in different rooms

until it’s time again for
one another

2008-12-21T14:05:00.001-05:00

Sent from Sasha and Exaclty How I Feel

2008-12-19T18:13:00.000-05:00

A Warning To My Readers

2008-12-19T17:24:00.003-05:00

by Wendell Berry

Do not think me gentle
because I speak in praise
of gentleness, or elegant
because I honor the grace
that keeps this world. I am
a man as crude as any,
gross of speech, intolerant,
stubborn, angry, full
of fits and furies. That I
may have spoken well
at times, is not natural.
A wonder is what it is.

2008-12-18T13:07:00.000-05:00

Poems With Family

2008-11-09T23:02:00.010-05:00

Photos by Adam John Ward

Poems Without Family

2008-11-09T22:35:00.003-05:00

TODAY

2008-11-04T09:53:00.003-05:00

2008-11-01T21:51:00.000-04:00

The Way In Is The Way Out

2008-11-01T21:00:00.002-04:00

Sunday and Dinner and Canada

2008-10-26T22:57:00.004-04:00

MY LIST

2008-10-23T17:13:00.003-04:00

SPROUT

2008-10-20T18:32:00.000-04:00

For the Storm

2008-10-19T02:11:00.005-04:00

A blue rain
washes into the world.
Not your favorite color,
much quieter than that.

I have furious eyelashes that would
kill to brush you off.

Lately things have been clinging
to my skin.
Ink doesn't clean away.
Dirt turns purple then bruises.

I have arms that fall around you,
a flame searching for something to burn.

You introduced me,
the "girl with halos above her."
A subtle jab at those church going hours
when we would find a bed.
I couldn't touch you.
I couldn't sleep.

I have the mouth of the ocean
trying to say your name.

Because blue is the city when day seeps
behind the brick, breaks before night.
And the electric lights that dot the
skyline struggle to keep the day alive,
preparing you and I.

Our bodies always waiting for some sign of rain,
some sort of religion for the storm.

Photo: Adam Ward

Same As It Ever Was

2008-10-13T11:28:00.001-04:00

Who I Could Have Been/Who I am On The Inside

2008-10-13T02:15:00.003-04:00

i should have said no

2008-10-12T19:54:00.001-04:00

2008-10-12T13:34:00.000-04:00

2008-10-12T13:32:00.000-04:00

"Happy Families Are Always Alike" - Leo Tolstoy

2008-10-11T17:01:00.001-04:00

By Erin Harris

Symmetry

2008-10-11T17:00:00.000-04:00

if the car were black
and not red
the pit bull less sick

life binge
hinge and swings

the Budweiser warm
and not cold the heart
swollen instead of full

Whiskey

2008-10-10T13:33:00.001-04:00

the stuff is toxic to every organ in your body, not to mention your brain and your relationships
so much for my good news for the day
love mom

2008-10-08T12:37:00.002-04:00

By Adam Ward

For Todd

2008-07-24T18:10:00.003-04:00

Adam John Ward

2008-06-26T22:32:00.001-04:00

One day I will have this above my fire place.

BRAIN

2008-06-24T14:24:00.002-04:00

Then they came back:

2008-06-20T00:43:00.000-04:00

2008-06-20T00:42:00.000-04:00

I heard them in a headache

2008-06-20T00:41:00.000-04:00

Peter was wearing them:

ERIN HARRIS

2008-06-20T00:40:00.002-04:00

The Right Place for Love

2008-03-15T13:42:00.003-04:00

By Mary Dowd (the genius sometimes moonlighting as my mother)

I have a dirty little secret
I know it’s just not said,
or thought,
or even felt,
in the dharma circles
I move in,
but I have to confess
I’m not looking for enlightenment

Oh sure,
I’d like to turn off my radio–head,
stop endlessly arranging my life
and everyone else’s,
drop my ego off a cliff
and watch it swim away
with all the other sharks

then I could cruise through life
with my eyes open,
radiating wisdom, serenity,
equanimity,
feeling the earth beneath my feet,
the sky around my ears

I do meditate every day,
well, almost every day,
and I’m gaining
the outward appearance
of inner peace,
I hardly ever argue with my spouse any more,
well, out loud, that is

I took Boddhisattva vows,
I like helping other people,
it’s my job,
I do it,
very rewarding and all that

But, you know,
I really like the bit
about coming back
lifetime after lifetime,

I’d just like to skip
the part where I see clearly
how everything is always changing
and dying right before my eyes

Because ignorance has its uses
its a coping mechanism,
survival skill really,
how would you ever get out of bed
eat, drink, procreate,
do anything
if you always knew
you were always dying

As for aggression,
well, there are times
when you just have to Say NO
NO lucky charms for breakfast
NO piercing your tongue
NO red contact lenses
NO selling marijuana from your bedroom

And tell me, please,
what’s so great about non-attachment?
Isn’t the best part of this wandering in cyclic existence
the attachment part,
the part where you’re hopelessly
helplessly in love
with whomever, whatever
your cat, your gerbils,
your lover, your babies,
Brad, Angelina,
Bright Eyes
Pokemon,
marshmallow fluff?

I mean, isn’t there a catch-22,
a little fly in the non–attachment ointment?
How do you ever learn to feel compassion
without suffering loss?
and how is loss suffering
if you’re not attached to anything?

So when we dedicate the merit
I always add my own little codicil
nothing too heretical really,
I just add from the ocean of samsara
and nirvana may I free all beings

Because really,
who wants to sit around in bliss all day
when you could be right here
in this realm,
this realm of infinite desire,
on this perfectly imperfect planet
loving and pining,
weeping and whining,
scheming and dreaming

Because
earth’s the right place for love
I don’t know where it’s likely to go better

2008-03-15T13:36:00.000-04:00

For the ones who had a notion,
a notion deep inside
That it ain't no sin
to be glad you're alive
I wanna find one face
that ain't looking through me
I wanna find one place,
I wanna spit in the face of these badlands
-bruce springsteen

For the Ones Who Had A Notion

2008-03-08T19:03:00.002-05:00

Shelf Cloud: we us this complex to make and the love mundane

2008-03-08T19:00:00.000-05:00

if I were to say
I love you and or
if I were to love you and
it would be
it would be like standing
in the wind storm and
opening my mouth

one and you
could take the sand
and the sky

a swarm does not sting
and just reproduces

the throat
wind and pipe
breathes and
in the air
like water

make the sand
drop and
from the
sky

break
apart neap

and
spring

Real Love: Two

2008-03-08T17:54:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the Park becomes the ZOO

2008-03-08T17:33:00.007-05:00

or just the Josh Wiles Show

WE ARE

2008-02-19T19:15:00.001-05:00

Also featuring work by AJ Ward, Erin Harris, Josh Whyles, and Katy Porte

VALENTINE's DAY 2008

2008-02-15T17:13:00.003-05:00

Happy VD

2008-02-15T13:56:00.003-05:00

Love Sandra

2008-02-15T13:48:00.000-05:00

My Ex-Girlfriends

2008-02-11T22:37:00.001-05:00

Songs to Do It to

2008-01-18T21:30:00.000-05:00

(a new game we play at work)

New Year by Adam Ward

2008-01-18T20:49:00.001-05:00

Two: Light Box

2008-01-08T00:57:00.000-05:00

the photo
was like a dream last
night

sad conversation
my mouth her skin
again

image moving through water (imagine)
again

heaving her chest
pushed the sky up

we were good at it
when we were desperate

the dream was
a photo morning morning morning

light can cure sadness
and some parts of our surface

as if the earth would turn
around a wound

I am
vulnerable (word as liable word as hazard word as disaster

word as open to)

when I believe
in something (word as sail)

word as holding
wind in your hand

2008-01-08T00:55:00.000-05:00

one

2008-01-06T01:44:00.000-05:00

the act
itself
seemed a lunge
toward
absence

the
morning
snow's

muted current

seemed to
know I
needed

one thing
to touch
every
thing

photo:adam ward

Pilgrimage One

2007-12-30T00:21:00.000-05:00

The Fools Follow Arthur Kill Road.

Carol in Poetry Magazine Oct. 2007

2007-10-25T01:14:00.000-04:00