And Peter says, "I'm going to put all of these in the bathroom so people think we are all in polyamorous relationships."

Come Rock Out and Put Out for Juliet

Our dear friend and family member was in a bad motorcycle accident. She is alive and beautiful and badass and well on her way to well. But unfortunately misfortune is expensive here in the United States. Were she in Austria, Belgium, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Ukraine, Bhutan, Brunei, China, India, Saudi Arabia, Israel, Japan, South Korea, Sri Lanka, Taiwan, and Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, Argentina, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Costa Rica, Cuba, Mexico, Panama, Peru, Uruguay, Trinidad and Tobago and Venezuela and the United Kingdom this wouldn't be an issue. But let's not dwell on our countries collective idiocies. Instead lets do the money dance for Juliet.

The Rat's Own Dream Guns Him Down

Beneath the city two hearts beat
Soul engines running through a night so tender
In a bedroom locked
In whispers of soft refusal
And then surrender
In the tunnels uptown
The Rat's own dream guns him down
As shots echo down them hallways in the night
No one watches when the ambulence pulls away
Or as the girl shuts out the bedroom light

-Bruce Springsteen

Coliseum Thunder Creatures

Ocean Liner

Five Fifths on the Fifth

Clouds. Eyes. Oceans. I have often worried about this blog becoming a boring Bird blog, my first step toward becoming the crazy pit bull lady down the street. And each day I don't write a poem I probably take one more picture of Bird than I did the day before. I think this is because there is a certain amount of despair that accompanies inaction... that to want to do and not do creates a void inside of us that we must fill with ocean, we must floats boats on. The Diner Journal is one of those boats.. Bruce Springsteen is a super big sail boat. Whiskey a dingy of sorts. Bird is an Ocean Liner.


But five years ago today my friend Nicole called me and asked if I could foster a puppy. She had a dominant female dog in the house and couldn't take Roxy. I said no. My friends I lived with at the time had just lost a dog name Sketch in an unfortunate and mysterious turn of events and I didn't feel ok subjecting them to any emotional angst. When I got home that night I mentioned the story of Roxy to my best friend and roommate Sven. She told me to call Nicole immediately and take the dog. And thank god. An hour later a tiny girl pit bull was skidding around the apartment, sniffing our toes. That night we went to Ray's Happy Birthday bar and every patron, spending all their coins on 1.50 lagers asked me about her and gave me their numbers in case she needed a home. "Oh I'm just fostering her," I would say in between swigs of whiskey. Bird, or Roxy as I knew her then slept on my feet perched so slightly on the narrow little ledge running underneath the bar. The warmest night following Bird and I chased each other around the long grass of the yet unused baseball field around the corner and across the street from the people with the pet duck. I knew then that I was hers.


Bird's life has been long. Not long enough, of course, but her days have been longer than most. Diapers, hernias, ultrasounds, xrays, medicine every five days, no spleen, irrational anger towards those she ultimately wants to befriend... When I got her she was bilingual, had bright red ears, bit marks on her ankles, a pimpley snout and pee dripping down her little legs. When I would come home from work for a lunch dance (to Magnetic Fields) with her often she would be standing on the dining room table. A strange habit that had to end once I became aware of her bladder problems.


Recently Roxy Bird and I have become more peaceful creatures. We like the park and the sun. We don't like drugs. I read more now and she sleeps more. There is nothing she can't communicate to me with a pointed lift of an eyebrow. My life is blessed by her life. And I should say that Bird and I owe a great deal to the most lovely and kind people I am priviledged to call friends. Sven, Katy, Erin, Nicole, Peter, Adam, Rachel, Josh, Mom. Thank you and happy anniversary little Bird.

Red Robin

Is a Dream a Lie if it Don't Come True

Sleepscape

Jess Arndt's Book at East River Bar

Bird Takes a Nap Before Work

Oh Gay Monday How Did it Ever Come

to This Over and Over and Over. Peter I kind of feel like she made this video for you and Andrew Daul!

Can You See Her?

Family Portraits

Good Morning My Babe

Hold Me Down

"Finding that most stars have Earths implies that the conditions that support the development of life could be common throughout our galaxy," said William Borucki, Kepler's chief scientist at Nasa's Ames Research Center in California. "Finding few or no Earths indicates that we might be alone."

Blue Morning

A Bird and a Whale

Belly and Brain

Foraging for Paper Towels in Greenpoint

I'm Moving to West Hollywood to Pursue My Career as a Spinoff

Photo by Adam Ward

A Glimmering beam of Light

Why is January so Devastating

me: i was really mean and said i never wanted to see her again. which is fine i just convinced myself i would keep trying and believe in us but i do think she is being unfair and pretty shitty. so i guess i'm glad i said it. it just feels bad. then i got drunk. so no excuse.

svendelvecchio: :(

me: and you're right but man after 18 day six beers and three shots hurt like a mother fucker today.

svendelvecchio: i sorry baby. i dont know all the specifics..but i know you were kinda doing a back and forth for a while
I KNOW! i got wasted friday and was in a DEATH HANGOVER saturday
i was like "WTF BODY?"

me: and me too. i probably haven't gone three days so 18 days is really weird.

svendelvecchio: i use to handle this times 2

me: right? i give it a rest and all of a sudden it's like it has standards of living
ow.

svendelvecchio: LOL
i loved your email tonight

me: oh thank you. i'm glad. i worry about them not being entertaining enough..

svendelvecchio: no. it was great.

me: sweet

svendelvecchio: NEW PRESIDENT TODAY

i didnt get to see it though. i was at story time in the childrens library

me: yes. he is awesome. i am so glad. that is very cute. you can youtube it i bet. is it wrong to feel angry when you are hurt by someone? should i just be able to stop it at sadness?

svendelvecchio: unfortunately...it doesnt work that way
actually sometimes the anger helps
:(
i hate you going through this

me: right? xxxx made me feel like it was bad for me to get angry when she would be inconsiderate or mean. maybe she doesn't do that... it's ok. better to go through it now than later i suppose
although does it have to be during sober sanctuary?

he he

svendelvecchio: SERIOUSLY. LOL

me: she said that's how i'm not emotionally accountable... and i said i would meditate on it and fix it. which didn't make a difference. but now i don't know if i could change that. it seems like a survival mechanism or something

svendelvecchio: hummm.
did she give an example? like how are you not emotionally accountable.
i think your right though...if its something that you think is true too....or if it is a pattern established already in your relationship...it would be really hard to change

me: that is how. instead of just being hurt i skip to anger apparently. she sited when you came and she called that morning to bail and i got upset which is true but leading up to that moment she had bailed on me left and right for a week and didn't give a shit when i expressed my feelings... that is not true of our last few weeks in which i just moped and considered letting her walk all over me again for another three months. then i just got angry when she g chatted me as if nothing had happened... i guess i'm wondering if it is wise to change that. i'm happy to do it if it's hard... well really i'm not going to do much since it's way over but ponder all this..

svendelvecchio: oh. i understand. the whole senario is so hard. i dont really know the particulars...which i want to get in person. i just feel bad that you have felt bad for so long. i hate conflict with no resolution. it actually disrupts my entire being...so i can only imagine how your feeling.
i just remember when xxxx and i use to fight and hammer things out and fight and talk and not see eye to eye and i would just over think everything..i would make myself sick. but then it was like our relationship just took on a whole other life. and why we really loved each other and why we were there in the first place had been lost

me: yes. i know. it's hopeless really but it's so easy to believe in love. i wonder why that is? we are optimistic creatures even if we don't want to admit it. yet another survival mechanism i suppose. oddly in direct conflict with the other one i'm experiencing.. thank you for your love lady. if you don't come up this weekend i'll come down soon. and we can slowly sip beer together. maybe from a straw.

svendelvecchio: YES

and an oversized mug

its true though. so true. it is very easy to believe in love and to want and need love. and that is a good thing.

it hurts sometimes. but it is a good thing

SO BELIEVE IN MY LOVE

cause its real grrl

me: he he. i do. thank you!

and i LOOOOOVE YOU WICKED!

svendelvecchio: xoxoxoxo
ill let you know about this weekend tomorrow
im gonna go take a bath cause im freezing

HANG IN THERE

me: cooly. have a lovely time. you have made me smile for the first time all day. really it was quite confusing this afternoon when i was watching the inaugoration i wasn't quite sure why i was crying. happiness? hope? heartbreak? headache? the answer? all of the above. smoooooch

svendelvecchio: awwww. i suppose there are a few reasons to cry today
i miss our super-hungover...laughing till we cry but have no idea why sessions
those are the best
i need more of those in my life!

me: well i got plenty. i'll send some your way!

svendelvecchio: its a plan. talk to you later, love.

xoxoxo

me: love love

Photo: Katy Porte

Turns Out it is Excess not Alcohol that is the Problem

Stars but No Sleep

She Loved Me All Up

Flurry

love like cards or air
is about folding

some snow transcribes air
up with gusts or rides
across the night on a breath

she was drunk
and went outside to
wait for the car

I knew she was
in love with me
when she called
and asked me to wait
with her

and I knew
when I went

and sat next to her on the curb
she said

Anna I want a baby
and I said grinning
you should quit your job

the car came and
down the street was a
sign for psychic face readings

I thought it
seemed unfair

understanding
that wanting
a woman
so folded
on herself

is as inconsequential

as fiercely loving
a piece of snow
that grows
warm before
it lands

a boy and her bird

from the poem Ode to the Sky

by Evan Dunn



when you
love
you are
a cage for the freest




Photo by Katy Porte

Family Tree

More by Adam Ward